Our World Crashes

I talked to Neena on the 5th to find out what the results were from her tests. She had been having some pretty severe itching symptoms for a while. At her last doctor's appointment, he decided to run some tests. About freaking time!!! Took a while for her to find out from the doctor who I've decided is a complete idiot. I could use stronger words but won't. She had found that she had a liver condition called cholestasis that happens during pregnancy. Most babies are stillborn after 37 weeks so the doctor told her they would take the baby earlier than planned. Her dad was concerned after doing some research and urged her to call the doctor back and get in for a stress test. She also had an ultrasound. Both tests showed Indi within margins of safety. While I was talking to her she had her cell phone on her belly and it was moving like crazy. Next thing I know, I'm teaching a piano lesson and I got a text that she hadn't felt the baby move. I rushed home and we called. I talked to Janita first. She said "oh Bonny, she's gone! Our baby's gone!"

The tears don't stop. The devastation. The heartache. It's inconsolable. Not just for Indi, but for Andy, our son, and Neena, our daughter, Indi's mom and dad.

Do I fly first and Scott drives over, or do we drive tonight or tomorrow, how quickly can we get there. We're numb. We're up late, and up early at 6:30 still debating fly or drive. We decide to drive and begin getting everything together. So frustrating not being there, time is moving so slow, we're driving so slow -  and periodically we're getting updates as to her delivery while we're driving. The snow was intense through the mountains. I was so glad Scott was driving because I still couldn't see through tears. We got to the hospital about 2 hours after delivery. Too late. Too late to be there for her arrival, but in time to hold her, cry over her, mourn her, love her, admire her perfectness, the dimple in her chin, her crown of beautiful brown hair, and to hug Andy and Neena.

I may not have all my facts straight, but I've tried.